am i fierce looking?

i was enjoying my relaxing moment with the pedicurist ystdy.

when she knew that i was into private teaching, she asked,"ur stdts must be afraid of u, rite?"

i was amused. the best part about stdts engaging pte tutors is, they are different from sch teachers. pte tutors like myself are a lot of patient and accomodating, plus having the ability to make them understand things faster. (of coz, how much gets retained is another question, haha!)

"of coz not. u mean i look very fierce?" i responded with confused look.

"well, if i see u for the first time, i will think you look fierce!"

haha, is that really the impression that i will project to my stdts? i really wonder.

i never thought they are scared of me. one stdt even received a 'threat' from his mom,"i will pull u out from aunty verlyn's class and put u with a very strict and fierce teacher, so that you dun think that u will have an easy way out!"

because of his wish to stick on to me, he promised to be more serious in his work. well, what's the conclusion then? i am not fierce. in fact, i think teaching has built up my patience level. afterall, my stdts are not my kids. i can't be free to scold them like the way i scold my kids, rite? (esp joy, who gets a large part of my impatient years while i was still working. claire is a lot luckier, when it comes to my mellowed temperaments in the last 3 yrs.)

unexpectedly, my hubby told me 2 nites ago, "i think the kids are scared of you. sometimes, you might be demanding on them without knowing it!"

"really? i nvr imagine it to be that way! they always tell me they love me and they knw i always do my best for them!" came my reply. no struggle, no offense. just a little amused.

"when u throw tantrums, we are all very scared and will withdraw from you!" he continued.

"well, as a mom, if i dun even have the authority to get mad with certain things occasionally, then i would wield no 'position' in this family!" what an amusing reply.

"if u dun believe me, u can check with them!" he challenged.

"ok, i will find time to ask them if i'm demanding on them. and that if they are scared of me?" i would certainly solve this mystery.

frankly, i dun think my kids are afraid of me. i would really think that they love me more than anything.

but, i will surely get to the bottom of it.

on a last note, i dun deny that when i threw tantrums in the past (younger days), i would be like a hurricane swirling its power of destruction with hurting words. the best part of me is, i'm always willing to face up to what i do, and change for the better.